If Boarding Schools Were Dog Shows

Sometimes boarding schools resemble big dog fairs. It’s like we don’t want it to be full of golden retrievers, labradors or poodles because they are too common; but we do want Lagotto Romagnolos,Tibetan Mastiffs, and Catahoula Leopards Dogs because they are exotic. But isn’t it true that without the commoners, the Lagotto Romagnolos, et al wouldn’t seem so special? 

Chinese students in a boarding school are the pugs of this fair. We are more special than the golden retrievers aka the white kids. We build up the big statistics. We also bring something new to the community, so we can perform it to the parents of golden retrievers, labradors and poodles. It is through us that we show how diverse the student body is. We perform: kung fu, acrobats, playing Guzheng, Erhu, Pipa. Strange that we never predicted that we’d be performing these tricks here.

 “Aye, I love your instrument! Yes, the bamboo with a couple of strings on it,” a poodle said to me. “I love your culture. I think I was a pug in another life!” 

“Wait, wait,” a golden retriever barked at me. “Are you a pug? Are you actually a pug? Like pug pug?” 

I nodded. “I am a pug pug.”

“Knee-how,” he barked at me, eyes lit by the fact that doogle translate actually taught him something useful. His tongues were out, excited to receive a complimentary reply from me.

“It’s pretty native!” I said with a smile, despite the fact that I have received 400 “Knee-Hows” already, and the reason I understand him is because that’s the only native expression they learned from a tiny slip of paper when they cracked a biscuit after they ate Orange Chicken at Pug Express. 

Think how crazy it would be if I came up to a golden retriever from Texas and said, “Are you a golden retriever? Like a Golden Retriever Retriever? Howdy y’all!”

 Lagotto Romagnolos,Tibetan Mastiffs, and Catahoula Leopard Dogs don’t have to know tricks; the only thing they need to do is to stay still so the golden retriever, labradors and poodles can take selfies with them and post them on Dogstagram. After you swipe a few pictures in a post hashtagged, “#dff” you can then see the pugs jumping on the stage, showing off the skills they learned from a master all the way across the ocean. 

The dog fair committee shows their unlimited inclusiveness to all the Lagotto Romagnolos,Tibetan Mastiffs, and Catahoula Leopard Dogs. If they bit a pug almost to death, it’s okay! Because it is an anger issue, and they need counseling! If they smoked some stinky grass that they are not supposed to and end up in jail, it’s okay! Because it is legal in their country; they need a second chance! If they barked at a pug in racist slurs, it’s okay! Because they barely have any pugs back home, so they need some time to adapt! If a golden retriever did all the behaviors above, it’s okay too! Their parents either donated the new billion dollar “Multi-Level Dog tree with scratching posts” to the school or they went to a public school altogether. 

The Pugs are careful; they barely get into any trouble. They barely rebel too. They probably have a dad who works in Silicon valley, coding for Doogle Translate, constantly used to translate Pugian Restaurant menus. Even if the Pug wants to cause some trouble, the fact that those expensive tuition costs half of their parent’s annual salary makes them think twice. 

The Pug parents love their children so much that they work day and night to earn the tuition so their pups are one step closer to the “Chamomile Leagues.” This means the pups don’t have to code but manage the mainland Pugs who are coding for them. 

For the cultural fair, all those Pug parents will drive three hours from Silicon Valley to the boarding school. They boil and steam the dumplings they made a day before so that the air smells like food and warmth. The Golden Retrievers, however, are too busy eating whatever hard, bitter and salty product the Lagotto Romagnolo parents came up with. 

“They are so… EXOTIC!” The golden retrievers barked frantically, and they quickly spit the hard, bitter, and way too salty stuff somewhere no one could see. 

           At the end of the day, pug parents will clean the table with their little pugs, picking up the trash Lagotto Romagnolo left on the ground. They packed the barely eaten buns and dumplings into plastic containers which will be their breakfast for the next week. Little pugs hugged their parents, and send them away. 

At the very end of everything, you may ask: are the Lagotto Romagnolos, Tibetan Mastiff, and Catahoula Leopard dogs even happy? The answer is no, because they are only a symbol of diversity, appearing on the school admission page to attract more and more golden retrievers, labradors and poodles. With barely any of their kind in the school, their loneliness is unbearable. Maybe the true winner of everything here belongs to the common dogs among us.